Review: "I Am Number Four"

A tall, handsome loner is the center of attention at the high school in a tiny, close-knit town. The offbeat, slightly ostracized girl finds herself drawn to him, intrigued by his secretive ways.

When he reveals himself to have extraordinary physical and mental super-powers -- to indeed not even be human -- their relationship grows increasingly complicated. They must navigate the challenges of the town's cloistered social structure, her estranged former love interest who harbors a powerful jealousy, and marauding forces coming to wipe out him and his kin.

The plot of the last "Twilight" movie, right?

Nope, it's "I Am Number Four," a new movie based on the book by James Frey and Jobie Hughes (who use the combined pen name of Pittacus Lore.) Considering the young-adult novel was just published last August, I don't think I'm out of line in postulating that it was written with an eye on crossing over the teen vampire phenomenon.

True, John (Alex Pettyfer, a dead ringer for a young Ryan Phillippe) isn't looking to make a meal out of Sarah (Dianna Agron). But the dynamics and target audience of "Number Four" are a close match with Edward Cullen & Co.

It's a shallow, cynical bit of movie-making, certainly never boring but rarely engaging on either an intellectual or visceral level. The cast of mostly twentysomethings posing as teenagers does an awful lot of pouting and strutting, like mannequins brought to life and back-lit heavily.

John is a Lorien, one of nine survivors of a dead planet wiped out by the evil Mogadorians. As chance would have it, all the remaining Loriens are hot-looking teens who each have special powers. They use various names as they travel from place to place hiding out from the Mogs, but are known mainly by their numbers.

The Mogs, who must have some kind of collective OCD complex, are hunting the Loriens down in order. As the story opens, Number Three bites it, so John is next.
John and his guardian, Henri (Timothy Olyphant), have to leave their beach home when their cover is blown. John is hanging out with a girl at a beach party when his leg starts burning and glowing like a lighthouse. This being 2011, every teen at the party has a smart phone to take pictures and video, and soon John's exploits are all over the Web.

Here's where things get a little fuzzy. Henri doesn't seem to do much actual guarding but mostly spends his time cruising the Internet looking for any kind of photos or info people have posted about John, which he then wipes out so the Mogs can't use it to track them down. This, of course, ignores the fact that he's only erased the stuff from the Web site where people uploaded it, and not the actual data on their cameras, iPhones or whatever. They can just post it again somewhere else.

I know I'm picking nits here, but a movie that purports to be pseudo-science fiction ought to have at least a pseudo acquaintance with technology.

Anyway, Henri and John end up in Paradise, Ohio, and things transpire pretty much as stated. The heavy is Sarah's ex-boyfriend Mark (Jake Abel), and Callan McAulliffe plays Sam, the local undersized science nerd who quickly becomes John's wingman.

John's telekinetic powers manifest just in time to fight off Mark and his bullies, and tackle the Mogadorians when they show up. They're big trench-coated dudes with head tattoos and gill slits next to their noses, who wield massive laser rifles and keep some kind of bat/wolf/lizard beastie as a tracking pet.

Derivative and dull-witted, "I Am Number Four" appears to be gearing up for sequels, but already feels stale.

2 stars out of four

Video review: "Unstoppable"

"Unstoppable" is an exercise in lean, efficient storytelling. This tale about a runaway train and the two men who set out to stop it won't win any awards for originality or sophistication. But as a straightforward story about workaday guys who become heroes, its nimbleness is unassailable.

Denzel Washington plays Frank Barnes, a veteran train engineer who, along with a bunch of other old-timers, is about to be forcibly retired by the company in favor of youngsters like Will Colson (Chris Pine). To add insult to injury, Frank's been assigned to train Will -- speeding up his own obsolescence.

Both have static in their private lives that intrudes on their work. Will's just had a major dust-up with his wife, leading to a separation and court appearance, while Frank, a widower, is laboring to stay connected with his quickly maturing teen daughters. Neither has much patience for guff their new partner.

Their simmering old-vs.-young enmity gets put on the back burner when a train containing explosive chemicals becomes a runaway, threatening to wipe out an entire city. Will and Frank first must dodge the speeding juggernaut, and then chase it down and stop it.

Screenwriter Mark Bomback and director Tony Scott know how to hit the action beats for maximum visceral impact, and how to capitalize off Washington's considerable onscreen magnetism. Frank's a bit gruff and grizzled, but audiences instinctively root for him.

Throw in a half-dozen distinctive supporting characters -- Rosario Dawson shines as the sensible dispatcher back at HQ, as does Lew Temple as an offbeat man-in-the-field -- and "Unstoppable" becomes an unspectacular but undeniably entertaining flick.

Like the movie itself, video extras are solid but not extravagant.

The DVD comes with a commentary track by Scott and "Tracking the Story," a featurette about script development.

On top of these, the Blu-ray also comes with several other features, including an anatomy of a derailment scene, stunt work, cast and crew comments and so on.

The Blu-ray also has a digital copy of the film.

Movie: 3 stars out of four
Extras: 3 stars

Reeling Backward: "My Bodyguard" (1980)

It's always amazing what movies stick with you and why. I watched "My Bodyguard" when I was 10 years old, and I don't think I saw it again in the ensuing 30 years, until now. And yet this film has stayed with me, and I've thought about it often.

It might not surprise you to learn that I was bullied when I was in school. (What? A geeky film critic bullied?) I'm not proud to say that I stopped taking the bus and began riding my bike to junior high school to avoid a particularly nasty cretin who liked to sit behind people and flick earlobes with a force that seemed not possible for 14-year-old fingers.

Of course, one good smack in the nose would've silenced him, but it is the nature of the bullied to have blinders to obvious solutions. One lives in a constant state of fear, and the consequences of standing up seem much more dire than quietly taking the abuse, and hoping the bully will grow bored and shift his attention to a juicier target.

Fear is the coin of the realm for bullies, one they know how to leverage well.

In virtually all contemporary iterations of cinematic bullies, they are simply victims who themselves have been pushed around, and pass on the cycle of abuse to others. I think this is usually poppycock in comparison to real life. Bullies bully because they like doing it. They enjoy the power and being the center of attention.

Perhaps my bias is why I've always liked "My Bodyguard," since the bully is never granted a redemptive moment. He's simply a jerk, and will continue being one until someone puts a stop to it.

The bully, Melvin Moody, was memorably played by Matt Dillon in his very first screen role. Adam Baldwin, playing the title character, also made his film debut. Ditto for Joan Cusack, who has a small but memorable role as a geeky girl with a crush on Moody, and Jennifer Beals, who had an uncredited bit part as one of Moody's hangers-on.

Chris Makepeace was the veteran of the group, having appeared in "Meatballs" a year earlier. "My Bodyguard" more or less marked the height of his career. With his curly mop of hair and big, wet eyes, Makepeace prompted me to make (derisive) comparisons to Shia LaBeouf early in his career, and I think the resemblance, both physically and the range of roles LaBeouf has pulled off, still holds.

One thing about "My Bodyguard" that sets it apart from most movies starring teenagers that followed: They're actually played by teen actors. Dillon and Makepeace would both turn 16 the year the film came out; Beals was 17; Cusack 18. Even Baldwin, playing scary troubled high school sophomore Ricky Linderman, who looms over his classmates like a surly giant, was 18.

Nowadays, filmmakers prefer actors comfortably past their pimples-and-awkwardness years.

The film was directed by Tony Bill, in his first outing, from an original screenplay by Alan Ormsby. It's set in Chicago and was shot there. Despite my fondness for the notion of bullies getting their comeuppance, that's not the part of the movie that lingered for me.

The Moody plot is disposed with in a little over a half-hour, with the bully refusing to take on Linderman after Clifford Peache (Makepeace), the put-upon newcomer, convinces the hulking outcast to be his bodyguard. Moody returns for the final act, with an older tough brought on as his bodyguard to run off Linderman, which succeeds for awhile until the final fisticuffs -- first between Linderman and the thug, and then (improbably but satisfyingly) between Clifford and Moody.

No, the middle third is where this movie's heart lies. It's the slowly growing bond between these two lonely boys, both pushed into rebel roles they never sought. Linderman was content to stand outside the school's social structure, and the last thing Clifford wanted was to become the symbol of an uprising against Moody, who'd been extorting protection money from half the school.

Although he lives in comfort and gets picked up and dropped off by a limousine, Clifford is not rich: Just the son of the manager of a swanky hotel manger, played by Martin Mull. His grandmother is played by Ruth Gordon, and she's a troublemaking sexpot who likes to pick up older gentlemen in the hotel lounge. It's the sort of horny grandma role that would inevitably be played by Betty White if the film was made today.

But there's some soul and depth to the old gal. While she's reading Linderman's palm, Clifford notices some scars on his wrist -- it wasn't until years later I realized these were the result of an implied attempted suicide. Linderman, his shell of impervious indifference pierced, pulls back his hand. Gordon sternly holds on: "You're among friends here, you're among friends."

This is when we realize Linderman is not the tough guy he's been made out to be. He's shattered by the accidental shooting of his kid brother a year earlier, and his mask of belligerance hides a frightened youngster who hates himself.

In this light, it's not surprising that Linderman backs down from Moody's hired thug later on -- even allowing him to smash up the motorcycle he spent years restoring, with a little help from Clifford. It may well be that Linderman had never been in a fight before. He'd relied on his reputation and his size to keep the likes of Moody at bay, but he too reacts to a bully with freezing fear.

The bodyguard who's never thrown a punch: What an audacious concept. I think that's why I keep coming back to "My Bodyguard" -- it continually reveals new layers of truth about what it's really like to be a teenager, whether an outcast, a bully or the bullied.

3 stars out of four

Review: "Gnomeo & Juliet"

Tolerable but forgettable, "Gnomeo & Juliet" is a halfway clever idea executed with minimal effort and ingenuity. In its (allegedly) humorous take on the classic play about star-crossed lovers, the film continuously reaches for the lowest-hanging fruit -- in its jokes, in its animation style and its brazen, narrow appeal to tykes.

Right from the start we're instructed that this is a movie with little patience for complexity. A gnome begins reading the introduction of "Romeo and Juliet," but is banished from the stage for his "long and boring prologue."

The hook is that the entire cast is gnomes -- not the mythical creatures, but garden gnomes. Cutesy to some and horrifying to others, these little ceramic cherub-cheeked critters are like a cross between hobbits and dwarves.

(They also, now that I think about it, bear a startling resemblance to Smurfs, who are getting their own movie soon.)

Not even bothering to hide how much they've lifted from "Toy Story," the gnomes come alive only when humans are not around, but suddenly revert to their statuesque forms if interrupted in their doings.

Interestingly, though they seem to have all the flesh-and-blood urges of people, they're still made of clay or whatever, and shatter if they fall or are struck. All of the older gnomes are chipped and faded, and even young rascal Gnomeo (voice by James McAvoy) has a scratched eyebrow and cheek from getting into so many (literal) scrapes.

The warring clans are the Red and Blue gnomes, marked by their pointed hats and/or clothing, who belong to elaborate gardens nestled side-by-side in a British duplex owned by neighbors who despise each other. (Their addresses are "2B" and a crossed-out "2B," in one of a few funny throwaway puns.)

The gnomes carry on that hostility, led by Lord Redbrick (Michael Caine) and Lady Bluebury (Maggie Smith). Various contests and sorties into enemy territory keep things going, with lawn mower racing being a big thing, and vandalizing the others' flowers and cheesy garden decorations.

Gnomeo, the son of Bluebury, falls for Juliet (Emily Blunt), Redbrick's only child, but of course their love is doomed. Eventually, their romance will overpower the hatred between the Reds and the Blues. I don't think I'm giving away much by saying that this ending is decidedly less tragic -- and G-rated -- than the play.

A few of the supporting characters breathe a little life into the stale proceedings. Juliet has a right-hand-woman, Nanette (Ashley Jensen), a frog statue who dispenses water and flighty advice. Featherstone (Jim Cummings) is an abandoned plastic pink flamingo, who's a bit dazed after 20 years of solitude but has a poignant story to tell.

Director Kelly Asbury ("Shrek 2") seems content to pitch things at about kindergarten level, with a sparse layering of in-jokes to keep parents minimally involved. Elton John is an executive producer, and provides some of his classic songs, plus a few new ones.

"Gnomeo & Juliet" sets some kind of notorious new record for screenwriting-by-committee, with no less than nine people receiving a writing credit -- 10, if you throw in Bill Shakespeare.

2 stars out of four

Review: Oscar-nominated short films

LIVE-ACTION

"The Confession" -- Director Tanel Toom makes a confident, audacious presentation in his third film about two young English boys preparing for their first confession. Beautifully shot in the countryside, the film has a clear sense of place and purpose. The boys horse around with a farmer's scarecrow, leading to unexpectedly tragic events. Haunting and poetic.
3.5 stars out of four

"The Crush" -- A spitfire-funny black comedy from writer/director Michael Creagh about an 8-year-old British school boy named Ardal (an intense Oran Creagh) who's got a thing for his teacher. So much so that he challenges her scuzzy boyfriend to a duel. I nearly busted a gut when, assured that a child won't shoot a man, the boyfriend cries, "Have you not seen 'City of God'?!"
3 stars

"God of Love" -- Writer/director/star Luke Matheny’s comic romance is a tidy gem. It's about a singer in a jazz ensemble smitten with his drummer. Then he gets his hands on some magic darts that make anyone stuck by them susceptible to wooing. Matheny has an offbeat but undeniable onscreen charisma, and is an assured young filmmaker who knows how to craft a story.
4 stars

"Na Wewe" -- This nerve-jangling drama has a lesson to teach about the ways we divide ourselves into factions, and how useless these distinctions ultimately are. A Frenchman's car breaks down in Burundi in 1994, so he catches a ride with a group stopped by militia looking for Tutsis to kill. Harrowing, with a sly, unexpected humor.
3 stars

"Wish 143" -- A splendidly-acted comedy/drama about David, a British boy (good year for them) who's dying of cancer and declares his last wish to be losing his virginity. Samuel Peter Holland is wry and affecting as lad with very normal urges caught in extraordinary circumstances. With Jim Carter as a drolly understanding priest.
3.5 stars


ANIMATED

"Day & Night" -- The shorts that precede Pixar features are a place for the animation behemoth to showcase new talent. Most are clever and fun, but I found "Day & Night" to be a weak example. Night and Day are personified as creatures whose bodies are windows to the world at different times. It's visually inventive, but seems designed more for the animators' pleasure than the audience's.
2.5 stars

"The Gruffalo" -- Charming computer animated tale about a little mouse who travels through the woods on the way to an acorn tree, and bluffs his way past three predators -- a fox, owl and snake -- with the story of a gruesome beast. Based on the children's book, rendered beautifully and in rhyme.
3 stars

"Let's Pollute" -- Cheeky bit of reverse psychology encouraging people to buy twice as much as they need, never recycle and throw everything away after a single use -- all to an accompanying narration in the style of mid-century newsreel announcer, where every sentence is an exclamation. Despite the tongue-in-cheek humor, still comes off a bit preachy.
2.5 stars

"The Lost Thing" -- This touching and quirky Australian short is about the things that just don't fit. A boy finds a strange red contraption on the beach. It sprouts octopus arms and legs and befriends him, but doesn't seem to have much purpose in a cold, sterile world of rules and expectations. The imagination and animation, especially in the finale, are dazzling.
3.5 stars

"Madagascar, a Journey Diary" -- A visually gorgeous rendering of exactly what the title says. The filmmakers employ a variety of animation styles, including stop-motion, but the dominant method resembles brightly-hued watercolor painting -- all set to a jaunty, infectious musical score employing native songs. Like an 11-minute vacation.
3.5 stars

Review: "Biutiful"

Lyrical, poetic and heartbreaking, "Biutiful" is not for everyone. This sprawling (2½ hour), occasionally dream-like Spanish-language drama from writer/director Alejandro González Iñárritu ("Babel," "21 Grams") explores one man's journey toward death in the grimy underworld of Barcelona.

It's the story of Uxbal, played by Javier Bardem in another virtuoso performance, who's a middleman between illegal immigrants and companies that want to employ them on the sly. A sensitive soul, he truly cares about these foreigners from Senegal or China or some other shore -- though he makes sure to get his cut.

Uxbal is the divorced father of two, with an ex-wife, Marambra (Maricel Álvarez), who's desperate to reinsert herself into their lives, claiming to have overcome her bipolar disorder. She's a fountain of neediness and capriciousness, promising to take the children on wonderful vacations one minute and abusing them the next.

Meanwhile, Uxbal is dying of prostate cancer. He endeavors to keep it a secret as he busily attempts to put his affairs in order. Chief among them is finding better working conditions for a couple dozen Chinese slaving away in a basement sweatshop.

To add to Iñárritu's strange, bitter -- but nourishing -- brew, there's an element of the supernatural: Uxbal is able to communicate with the recently dead, and help along their way those souls reluctant to journey into the afterlife.

This last piece is the one that doesn't seem to fit the puzzle. Unlike Clint Eastwood's "Hereafter," the main character's ability to communicate with the dead is not the centerpiece of the story. It is, in fact, so tertiary that we often forget about it for long stretches, only to be surprised when some boogum pops up in the corner to remind us of Uxbal's visions.

I can't help wondering what would be lost if Iñárritu, who shares screenwriting credit with Armando Bo and Nicolás Giacobone, had simply written these distracting ghost story interludes out of the movie. Not much, I suspect.

Much more gripping are Uxbal's interactions with the various denizens of the backstreets. There's Hai (Cheng Tai Shen), owner of the sweat shop and Uxbal's partner, when it suits them both. Hai is exploiting the illegal workers, of course, but he's not a heartless thug. His own family lives above the workers in the same building, and no doubt he believes he's giving them a chance to one day move up like his kin have.

Then there are a group of African street merchants who hock their wares to the passersby. Uxbal negotiates with the police -- aka, bribes them -- to leave them alone. But the Africans keep intruding into the tonier sections of town, and are even dealing drugs on the side.

After her husband is arrested and threatened with deportation, a woman named Ige (Diaryatou Daff) comes to live with Uxbal and his children. At first he takes her under his wing because he feels guilty about the arrest. But as his physical condition worsens his need, not just for assistance but empathy, comes to reflect that of Marambra.

The relationship between Uxbal and Marambra is the most painful, and best thing about "Biutiful." There's an ocean of hurt between them, a lifetime of accusations and recrimination. Their love remains strong, but Uxbal knows having her around will always prove harmful to the children.

Uxbal is a fascinating mix of incongruities, the hard-heartedness he shows toward his ex-wife and sometimes even his children, contrasted with his fumbling attempts to help immigrants who don't have a friend. "Biutiful" is a troubling, exquisite vision of human contradictions.


3.5 stars out of four

Review: "Sea Rex 3D: Journey to a Prehistoric World"

Toothsome beasties and gruesome monsters of the past come alive in the new IMAX film, "Sea Rex 3D: Journey to a Prehistoric World." It's a computer-animated wonder, as marine reptiles of the Jurassic period -- and even older -- do battle under the ocean's surface in impressive, computer-generated scenes sure to delight the young and old ... though mostly the young.

Note I called them "marine reptiles" and not "dinosaurs." Georges Cuvier (Richard Rider), the father of modern paleontology, is our guide on this time-traveling journey, as well as our instructor. His first lesson: Only land-bound reptiles are called dinosaurs.

The tone of the film is definitely pitched to school-age kids, and the fight scenes between reptile and reptile, or reptile and fish, stop just short of bloody flesh-rending. Although a final showdown between a prehistoric shark and a Mesosaur -- a marine reptile with massive jaws and teeth that resembles an alligator crossed with an extra-terrestrial -- has messy results.

Cuvier, who studied an early Mesosaur skeleton in the late 1700s, becomes our guide, materializing like a ghost for Julie (Chloe Hollings), a teen visiting a natural history museum. He gives her an ancient reptile tooth and proceeds to direct her -- and us -- through the lesser-known history of marine reptiles.

It's fascinating stuff, whether you're a science buff or not, and rookie directors Ronan Chapalain and Pascal Vuong, who co-wrote the script with Richard Dowlearn, smartly concentrate on the shape and sizes of the various creatures, and what they ate -- which was often each other.

Let's face it, youngsters first get interested in dinosaurs for their gigantic proportions and eating habits, so there's no reason it would be different with their undersea brethren. Even the film's title -- a play off T-Rex -- reinforces that angle.

Things start off a little slow with a historical overview of Earth's first 3.5 billion years or so, before any non-microscopic life forms developed. But the action soon ramps up, and the movie's 41 minutes fly by fast.
Part biology lesson, and part slick CGI adventure, "Sea Rex 3D" makes education cool.

3 stars out of four