Hang onto your pants, gang, I've got a huge, exclusive scoop that will shock the world.President Barack Obama has swept the 2009 Academy Awards, winning Oscars for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director, Supporting Actor, Best Screenplay, Musical Score, Art Direction, Costumes and Cinematography.
The nine statuettes is an unprecedented haul by a single individual, and the first time a sitting U.S. president has garnered the film industry's must illustrious prize.
Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President Tom Sherak praised Obama's skills, gushing about his "amazing charisma" and "ability to reach into an audience's heart and still it with moments of quiet yet powerful emotion."
Friday's announcement was somewhat controversial, though, in that the Oscars were given out four months earlier than usual, and before the end of the calender year. Many Oscar hopefuls -- including "Amelia," "Up in the Air" and "The Lovely Bones" -- have yet to even open.
Sherak brushed aside claims that other films were unfairly excluded from the normal nominating and voting procedures, which were set aside by a special unanimous vote of the Academy's board of directors.
"I find that claim to be highly racist," Sherak said. "Criticism of the Academy's well-deserved honoring of our country's greatest president ever is more evidence of the Republican Party's hate machine."
He also sidestepped a question from a Variety reporter pointing out that Obama did not actually star in, produce, write, direct or otherwise contribute to any film in 2009, or ever.
"Based on the president's silky smooth voice, magnetic charm and intellectual firepower, it's only a matter of time before he turns his attention to filmmaking. These awards are meant to recognize the unparalleled achievements yet to come," Sherak said.
Duh, yes, it's a parody. Neither the Academy or Tom Sherak actually did or said any of this.
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